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the-rubester asked: [September 21st, 2014.] *gives Arc and Sexual Offenderman a 2 litre bottle of root beer each* Happy 2nd anniversary of your internet appearance illustrated by Arc, Smexy! I'll wish the both of you more great successes in the future. Cheers!

Arc: Hooray!

Huh, I guess that was today wasn’t it? I really gotta write that stuff down or something.

asker

Anonymous asked: ark how long until you and smexy tie the knot?

Arc: how about never?

Awwwwww….  :(

Arc: shut the f̸̹̯̙͇͎̮̳u̴͖̦̳̮͎c̹̥̜̝̪͕̜k̻̺ up Smexy

and YOU! *she says pointing back at the anon*
How dare you even JOKE About something like that! How dare you even bring such a thing up around him!
Do you tell someone who’s been kidnapped and physically abused that they should marry their abuser?! DO YOU TELL AN ABUSIVE MAN TO MARRY SOMEONE HE’S KIDNAPPED?!!!!!

No?!

Well then don’t fucking tell that to me!!!

(via lexet)

officialvarrictethras:

"hey i drew your favorite character/OC, but it sucks so —"

image

LET ME SEE IT RIGHT NOW AND I WILL LOVE IT

(via mothermal)

asker

Anonymous asked: Would you rape me? o////o

Sure, but I’m pretty sure what your asking is if I’d have sex with you.
But really, I could go either way.

asker

Anonymous asked: Yo Offender I've been meaning to ask you, do you ship? If so, name four pairings.

Alright, I guess you could say I got a few.

-Me and my brothers,


-Me and all the other supernatural beings that won’t kill me,

-Me and all the animals of a suitable size,

-And me and the vast majority of all human beings currently living, and some dead.

asker

Anonymous asked: Hey, Ark. Have you ever notice that Smexy looks like a sock?

Arc: Ehhhhhhh.. I dont agree with that statement. I dont think he looks like a sock.

asker

bluebirdie491 asked: Hello Arc, how are you doing? :)

Arc: so busy.

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Anonymous asked: Hey arc, have you noticed Smexy looks like venom? :D

Arc: Of course not! I mean it’s not like you’re the what, seventh or so person to tell me that? How could i have possibly known?!

asker

Anonymous asked: *walks up to Smexy and covers him in glue and feathers* Hehehe!

*with a cheeky grin, he walks towards you, arms outstretched, and quickly snags you up in a tight hug, purring and rubbing against you, thus covering you in the still moist glue and feathers,before he suddenly teleports a few feet back literally right out of the glue and feathers, leaving him perfectly clean, before he gives you a slight cheeky wave with one hand and teleports away proper,  leaving you covered with smeared on glue and feathers*

asker

bokitty99 asked: What whould u do to me if I had a bra and thong made only out of candy

How about you go put on a pair and we could find out?

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ask-raverman-the-slender asked: Raver: So, Offender... how were you? Did you have a nice time away from all the crazy?

ask-raverman-the-slender:

ask-sexual-offenderman:

ask-raverman-the-slender:

ask-sexual-offenderman:

Yeah, it was a fucking blast.

Great! I’ve been greeting myself with some of the other slenders around here while you were gone. If you don’t mind my asking, were you following Arc while she was gone or having your own sexy fuck-time?

Change: jumps onto Offender’s shoulders from a high nearby ledge Hi, Offender! Just wanted to join in the conversation, so… yeah! :3

*a tentacle reaches up to playfully mess up Changes hair as he replies*

I can tell if she starts getting really stressed or suddenly drops dead or whatever, so I don’t need to check up on her all that often.

Oh, well that’s nice then. So how’s the comic been coming? Any news from Arc?

Change: shakes his head to fix his hair Yeah, how is she, anyways? I understand she’s using our song we made for you…

Well, she’s starting the page layouts with her pencil artist, so it’s moving along I guess. And she’s probably gonna survive long enough to finish them, so things are goin pretty well all things considered.
And yeah, she’s doin some project with her admin helpers in celebration of my Deviantart fanclub getting over 1000 members, using your song and that voice actor who plays me on youtube and stuff.

asker

ask-the-flesh-thief asked: "Seems you finally woke up."

ask-the-flesh-thief:

ask-sexual-offenderman:

ask-the-flesh-thief:

ask-sexual-offenderman:

ask-the-flesh-thief:

ask-sexual-offenderman:

You implying you’ve been stalking me without me knowing about it?
I won’t have to dip you in molten metal and drop you over the Mariana trench for messing with my stuff will I?

"Well, even if I did do something as distasteful as that, you would have to drag me there. Your species’ irksome habit of teleportation does not work on me." She replied calmly.

"And something tells me you’re a bit too lazy to do such at the moment, yes?"

I dunno, It still seems doable to me.

She chuckled in a sort of bemused manner. “You don’t seem like the kind to hike over vast distances just to dump someone into lava because you are suspicious of an act that they did not commit.”

"More in the sense of it just being a lot of labor on your end."

Don’t underestimate my ability’s kitten. I’m not much of a liar.

"If I truly underestimated you, love,  I have no doubt I would be long dead by now.”  She folded her arms across her chest, letting her tail flick idly by her ankles, her head tilting at him as if to offer a hint of a hidden smirk. "But, if you really are that determined, who am I to dissuade you?"

Heh heh heh, maybe later. I’m feeling to lazy to bother with it at the moment.

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totemptfate asked: Is it not rape until you say SURPRISE? :O

ask-raverman-the-slender:

ask-sexual-offenderman:

Arc: what kind of idiot told you that?

points towards Offender I’m guessing it’s probably be that one.

Arc: *glares angrily at Offender.*

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Anonymous asked: Arc, does Smexy ever hide or leave stuff where you live?

Arc: yeah, the rose petals especially are a pain to clean up when i have guests over.